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self-compassion, - Achieving Self-Compassion

About My Book

I wrote Achieving Self-Compassion: Giving Yourself the Gifts of Happiness and Inner Peace to enable you to experience the happiness and peace that come from self-compassion.  I have developed and tested the strategies I discuss from my many years of experience as a therapist and my own quest to give myself the gift of self-compassion.

Chapter 1 offers a simple, vital strategy for enhancing self-compassion that you can start practicing today.  In Chapter 2, we explore commonly held beliefs that prevent you from living an effective life.  Chapter 3discusses the fact that that you are inherently worthy, regardless of how others perceive you or your faults.  In Chapter 4, we focus on the importance of not projecting your needs onto others.  Chapter 5 describes how a former client of mine overcame her depression and low self-worth by learning how to be more self-compassionate.

Chapter 6 focuses on how you can choose the gifts of happiness and peace of mind, regardless of the challenges you face.  Chapter 7 is all about taking great care of yourself.  In Chapter 8, you will learn how to get “out of your head” and tune into your deeper authentic self.  Chapter 9 tells you how you can eliminate negative reactions to difficult events.

Chapter 10 encourages you to appreciate what you have so you can live your life with a sense of fulfillment rather than scarcity.  In Chapter 11, you will learn a variety of portals to enjoy the wonders of the present moment.  Finally, Chapter 12 concentrates on how your self-compassion enables you to experience an abundance of positive energy and caring that you can pass on to others.

     As you read this this book, I encourage you to experiment with the strategies I discuss to see which ones work best for you.  I look forward to hearing about your experiences with self-compassion if I provide you with coaching or in the "forum" section of my website, www.achievingselfcompassion.com.  We can all learn a lot from each about how to achieve self-compassion!

 

 

 

 

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It is Not Selfish to Be Self-Compassionate

It is Not Selfish to Be Self-Compassionate

By Nate Terrell, LCSW                

    

     When I tell people I have written a book on achieving self-compassion, they often ask, “Isn’t it selfish to be self-compassionate?” I always respond that there is nothing selfish about being our own best friend, knowing we are inherently worthy, choosing happiness or enjoying the present moment, which are the cornerstones of self-compassion.

     In contrast to self-compassion which is simply about treating ourselves well, selfishness is about being self-centered and meeting our needs at the expense of others. Selfish people put themselves first and are driven by self-preservation rather than fairness. Consequently, they feel a sense of entitlement which leads them to promote their interests even this causes others to suffer. In fact, many of the problems in this world are caused by the destructive behavior of selfish people who lack the empathy they need to be caring and sensitive human beings.

     Self-compassion is vastly different from selfishness because it fills us with happiness and goodwill that we can pass onto others. Highly self-compassionate people live their lives with fulfillment rather than scarcity and therefore have no need to be self-centered or selfish in their quest to get their needs met. They know that they do not need to choose between being compassionate to themselves or others. They can do both at the same time and enjoy the rewards that both have to offer.

     For much of my life, I too believed that it was selfish to focus on meeting my own needs and that the main purpose of life was to help others. Not surprisingly, I became a social worker which has brought great meaning into my life and taught me a lot about the keys to healing and personal growth. However, I routinely put my needs aside in my efforts to serve others which often led me to feel depleted or even burned out.

     My conviction that I was responsible for happiness of others was challenged by my son, Darqui, who my wife and I adopted when he was nine. As a result of the trauma he experienced before he joined our family, Darqui often sank into dark and angry moods where he seemed beyond our reach. When this occurred, I would hover around him, trying desperately to help him exorcise his inner demons and find the happiness he deserved.

     During a particularly difficult time in our relationship four years ago, he informed me that he hated me trying to make him happy, that he had the right to feel however he wanted and that there was nothing I could do about it. He also told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to leave him alone and worry about my own life.

     Although hurt by this rebuff, I began to realize that it was grandiose for me to believe that I could make Darqui - or anyone else for that matter - happy. I gave Darqui the space he demanded and reinvested some of the energy that I had using trying to rescue him from himself to better meet my own needs. I spent more time in the woods by myself where, began meditating on a regular basis and most importantly, began to listen more to my own inner voice that knew what was best for me at any given moment.

     After not speaking to me for a couple of weeks, Darqui finally wandered into my home office one day and began to talk. I asked him how I had done leaving him alone and he congratulated me on my efforts. Although I am devoted to doing everything within my domain to help Darqui, I have never again taken on the responsibility for his happiness which has helped our relationship immeasurably. Although we are very close, he never fails to remind me when I need to back off and let him be.

     I have continued to treat myself with the same compassion I have always tried to extent to others. Rather than make me more selfish, I have experienced greater happiness and positive energy that I am eager to pass on to others. As a result, I feel even better about myself which has created a cycle of increasing abundance in my life that I treasure.    

     I hope you are also able to recognize that there is nothing selfish about taking great care of yourself. Rather than take my word for it, prove it to yourself by experimenting with the self-compassion strategies I list on this website and in my book that Darqui inspired me to write entitled, Achieving Self-Compassion: Giving Yourself the Gifts of Happiness and Inner Peace (which is in the process of being published). I have no doubt that you will become more rather than less giving to others as a result and look forward to reading about your experiences with self-compassionate in the forum section of this website!

    

    

  

Lessons From Nikki

“Are you acquainted with the term cerebral palsy?” the developmental specialist asked my wife, Anita, and me as we sat anxiously in his office. We had been aware that our 10-month-old daughter, Nikki, was not developing like other children her age. We had never been given such a specific diagnosis, however, and it hit us like a tidal wave. As Anita fled the room in tears, I frantically began asking questions which I knew probably had no answer. “Will she ever talk?” “Will she ever be able to live independently?”

Nikki’s diagnosis shattered our expectations for our first child’s life. We felt anxious and overwhelmed as we grappled with our fear that Nikki would never be able to live independently or communicate with us. We craved meaningful contact with our beautiful little girl with wildly curly black hair. Nikki was very much wrapped up in her own world, however, and took little or no interest in anything around her, including us.

At age one, Nikki could barely extend her arms from the front of her chest and made only fleeting eye contact. She tensed her limbs when we held her as if she had to defend herself from an outside intrusion. Music, though, seemed to draw her out. When I played Beethoven’s 7th Symphony for her, she’d smile and sometimes even laugh as I danced with her in my arms. As I swirled around the living room, caught up in the music and dazzled by Nikki’s momentarily expressive face, I fantasized that one day she would respond to me with a hint of recognition.

Anita and I were thrilled by Nikki’s relentless efforts to move her arms and legs effectively. She appeared to be driven by some internal force which thrived on challenges and we rejoiced in her look of satisfaction whenever she accomplished something new. I vividly remember Nikki spending an entire afternoon trying to roll over before she finally succeeded. I was awed by Nikki’s determination, but frustrated that I couldn't make life easier for her.

Nikki’s small victories were not enough to fend off the helplessness we felt when she did not respond to our efforts to engage with her. In order to save what little energy we had for Nikki and ourselves, we shut out the outside world except for our families who were eager to help care for Nikki. They were also always available to provide much needed support and share in our hopes and fears for the future.

One of the most difficult challenges Anita and I faced was responding to the many people who implied to us that it was a terrible fate to have a child such as Nikki. For instance, Nikki’s first pediatrician repeatedly told us how “tragic” it was that Nikki didn’t have the “unlimited potential” of most children until we replaced him with someone who could view us and Nikki without pity. Other people would simply shake their heads sadly and say things such as “The poor dear, God bless her soul” or “At least she is pretty.”

We were also told by numerous friends that they could never cope with having a child like Nikki. This comment baffled us because we wondered what they would do instead of coping if they were in our shoes. We have come to realize that people say this sort of thing in an attempt to protect themselves from something they fear. They seem to reason: “If I am a member of the group that can’t cope, perhaps I will be spared.”

Although Anita and I shared a deep commitment to do everything we could do to help Nikki, our different reactions to our situation sometimes drove a wedge between us. When Anita expressed the doubts we both felt about our ability to make a difference in Nikki’s life, I tried to persuade her that Nikki was progressing along well and that we had to focus on the positive. When our endless discussions left neither one of us feeling understood, we retreated into our own worlds to cope as best we could.

We eventually agreed that we had to pull together for Nikki’s sake. We also recognized that our fears and anxieties about Nikki drained our energies and didn’t help her or us in any way. We longed for a perspective on Nikki which allowed us to celebrate rather than worry about her life.

We were stuck, however. Stuck in the despair we felt when Nikki seemed beyond our reach. Stuck in our fear that we would need to spend the rest of our life taking care of her. Most importantly, stuck in an unknown territory where our attitudes and beliefs hadn’t adapted to the landscape.

We reached a point where the pain we were experiencing became unbearable. We had no choice but to look within ourselves and change the beliefs and expectations which trapped us in fear and anxiety. With the help of the Option Institute in Sheffield, Massachusetts, we began to ask ourselves questions such as why we couldn’t be happy even if Nikki didn’t progress in her development or if we needed to spend the rest of our lives taking care of her. We finally realized that we found great meaning in the care we provided for Nikki and that we had the capacity to make each day a happy one regardless of her level of independence.

It also dawned on us that we could probably be more connected to and effective with Nikki if we tried to let go of any expectations we had for her and replace our fear and anxiety with happiness and peace of mind. We were relieved to discover that as we worked towards this goal, it was much easier for us to simply enjoy her as she was and to encourage any efforts she made to do something new without worrying about whether or not she would succeed.

We were now able to more effectively pace ourselves according to Nikki’s speed and to pick up on her subtle, but highly significant, communication signals. When we were able to respond to these signals and move in tune with her, we entered what we labeled the “Nikki zone”. Our ability to enter and remain in this unique place was dependent on our capacity to be completely present in the moment and to join with Nikki in her world.

Nikki responded to our new attitude and approach to her with enthusiasm and became more animated and responsive in our presence. She clearly enjoyed the freedom she now had to explore the world on her own terms. Paradoxically, our ability to celebrate Nikki as she was appeared to motivate her to achieve new accomplishments. All of us yearn for unconditional acceptance and Nikki was no exception!

Encouraged by Nikki’s growing connection to us and more confident that we could finally make a difference in her life, Anita and I made a commitment to provide Nikkiwith focused one-on-one attention twelve hours each day. We made this possible by rearranging our work schedules and my switching to part time work. We massaged her arms and legs to coax them into relaxation, made funny faces and sounds to try to get her attention and placed favorite toys where she could reach for them. While toys were motivating, food was compelling for Nikki. We often couldn’t resist holding cheese twists in front of her, which she grabbed and jammed into her mouth with gusto.

Since Nikki took great delight in standing whenever we held her on her feet, we decided to help her stand on her own. We began by helping Nikki lean against the wall with her hands. Although she had great difficulty keeping her balance at first, she was tenacious in her efforts and quickly learned to lean against the wall without any assistance. After standing for a couple of hours each day for four months, Nikki learned to balance herself for a few seconds without holding on to the wall. The first time she stood for five seconds we responded as though it was a miracle.

By the time Nikki was 2 1/2, she could stand for more than a minute on her own. She beamed pure joy as we excitedly counted off the seconds. As she stood proudly working on her balance and frequently swaying back and forth, we sat in front of her and called her name, placed yogurt on a spoon in front of her which we hoped she would try to get, and danced around her, singing walking songs we made up. I even blew up twenty-five balloons and piled them in front of her in one rush of creativity.

Nikki stood for at least a couple of hours a day for a year, creating the best lesson in patience Anita and I had ever experienced. Every fiber in her body appeared to want to move forward, but she just couldn’t figure out how. My frequent dreams about Nikki walking became more vivid as her desire to do so became more urgent.

When Nikki was 3 1/2, we visited relatives in Florida. I was sitting on the floor of a porch with Nikki standing a few feet in front of me. Suddenly, she took a few halting, butdefinite, steps towards me. Just before she reached my waiting arms, Nikki paused and then continued her odyssey in another direction. I shouted for Anita and we stood with tears in our eyes and watched our little trouper make her way across the floor as our relatives cheered her on.

The intense look of determination and satisfaction on Nikki’s face as she struggled fiercely to maintain her balance will be forever etched in my mind. On our way to Key West the following day, we stopped every half hour to make sure she hadn’t forgotten her new accomplishment. Each time we put her on her feet, Nikki launched herself forward as if walking was the sole purpose of life.

Another focus of our efforts with Nikki was language development. We mimicked all the sounds she made and tried to stretch them into words, repeated words to her, and created situations where she needed to use some form of communication to get something she wanted, such as food.

Since Nikki loved to eat, we spent a good deal of time helping her learn to feed herself. After many months of effort, she learned to pick up a spoon with food on it and bring it to her mouth. Baked beans worked best since they usually stuck to the spoon as Nikki labored to get them to her eagerly waiting mouth. It often took an hour for her to finish off a bowl but she never lost enthusiasm for the task at hand.

We constantly came up with different ways to encourage Nikki’s development or simply bring her pleasure. The only criterion we used to evaluate the effectiveness of our activities was whether they were fun for all involved. Whenever anything became a chore for us or Nikki, it was immediately discontinued. Nikki especially enjoyed it when we joined her in what she was doing such as banging on a tambourine or clapping her hands. She also loved any activity involving movement through the air such as swinging. Because she appeared to be very much in tune with us when she laughed, we did everything we could to make her laugh and laughed with her when something struck her as funny.

In addition to our home-based treatment program, Anita and I created our own team of professionals to help Nikki through speech therapy, sensory integration, music therapy, and therapeutic horseback riding. We viewed ourselves and Nikki as the experts, however, regarding what was best for her and followed our own instincts when in doubt.

Slowly, but surely, Nikki’s perseverance enabled her to develop her coordination and mobility in ways we once could not have imagined. This process had many starts and stops, however. Nikki went through periods where she eagerly tackled new challenges such as drinking out of a cup or walking up an incline behind our house. At other times, she retreated into her own and rebuffed our attempts to interact with her. When this occurred, we backed off and gave her the space she needed. When she was ready, she would nonchalantly do something new as if it had always been part of her own secret plan.

Nikki has also gradually left her protective shell and become highly attached to us as well as the other people in her life who adore her as much as we do, such as her grandparents for whom she reserves a special smile. The first time she saw her sister, Chelsea, in the hospital, she walked over to her, put her head down on the bed in front of her and smiled radiantly. During Chelsea’s early months, Nikki always searched her out and stared at her with fascination and amusement. As Chelsea has gotten older, they have begun to enjoy playing together and clearly communicate in ways only they understand.

A few summers ago, Nikki and I were walking along a sandy road in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey when I knelt down in front of her and encouraged her to walk to me. She took a few steps towards me, then veered around me. As I turned my head to see where she was going, she laughed, walked up behind me and put her little arms around my neck. There are no words to describe how privileged I felt to be the recipient of the first joke she ever played.

Nikki is now an energetic and cheerful fourteen year old who loves to roam around the house looking for something fun or noisy to play with, such as my guitar which she plucks with great intensity. She has an incredible appetite and often makes a beeline for the kitchen, where she runs her hands over all the counter tops looking for the fruit we leave just within her reach. When she gets tired or bored, she plops herself down in one of our laps, looking to snuggle.

Nikki is currently in an excellent, private school for “special needs” children. She gains from her interaction with her peers and the attention she receives from a variety of adults who enjoy her as much as we do. Each day when I pick her up, Nikki lights up when she sees me and gives me a big hug which washes away any stress I might be feeling. Since Nikki is in school and often enjoys playing by herself when she is at home, we now work intensively with her only a few hours each day.

Much of our focus is on her language development. Nikki periodically says “more” (usually when she is impatient for more food), and “good” (when she is pleased with something). She also said “dog” once, emphatically, when she spotted one in the woods behind our house. We believe that Nikki will learn more words as she realizes that they will help her better communicate her wants and needs.

Although Anita and I have been thrilled by Nikki’s relentless drive towards greater independence, the primary impact she has had on our life has been in the lessons we have learned from her. In fact, we believe Nikki understands that she is as much our teacher as we are hers, and that this mutuality has helped cement the deep bond we have with her.

The most profound lesson Nikki has taught us is that a powerfully motivating and healing energy is created when we are able to appreciate her and each other with unconditional acceptance. This energy brings our spirits alive and compels us to seize the moment and tackle new challenges.

With Nikki as our teacher and guide, we have become happier, more peaceful and better able to live fully in the present. When we stray off course and allow expectations or judgments to contaminate our relationships, our cure is to tune into Nikki and allow her relentless spirit and goodwill to wash away whatever is preventing us from being at our best.

Nikki has also given us a greater sense of mission in life and prevented us frombecoming overly self-absorbed. We experience a sense of purpose when we envision thepossibility of spending the rest of our lives responding to Nikki’s needs since we know we will always be involved in a passage into unknown territory. We are also freed of the emptiness we used to feel when we spent most of our lives trying to get our own needs met.

Finally, our relationship with Nikki has reinforced our belief that all human beings are inherently worthy and capable, regardless of their level of achievement or ability. Unfortunately Nikki lives in a society where people like her are frequently evaluated according to their “intelligence” and given labels such as “retarded” or “handicapped” when they are judged to be deficient. These words have no meaning for us since we will always view Nikki as perfect just as she is.

Anita and I know we will face other challenges such as how we can insure that Nikki’s needs will always be met. However, the hurdles we have overcome over the past fourteen years have brought us closer together and increased our trust in ourselves. As a result, we face the future with a sense of confidence we would never have had without Nikki in our lives.

We have no idea how far Nikki’s adventure will take her. We now know, however, that the quality of life’s journey is much more important than the realization of specific achievements and that we can always count on the sparkle of Nikki’s being to show us the way.

Self-Compassion Coaching

In order to help you achieve self-compassion, I provide coaching over the phone or in my home office in the woods of Mullica Hill, New Jersey. After I fully understand the challenges you are facing with self-compassion, I will help you develop specific strategies you can use to overcome these challenges.  These may include being your own best friend, recognizing that you are inherently worthy, taking great care of yourself, “tuning into” your authentic self and enjoying the present moment rather than going around and around in your head with unhelpful or self-critical thoughts.

Yes, you could be sitting on a mountaintop in Hawaii, riding a camel in the desert or simply sitting in your living room and learning how to be self-compassionate. All you need besides a phone is a desire to increase your happiness and peace of mind.

I am pleased to offer you a free ten minute assessment to answer any questions you might have about the coaching services I provide and gain a better understanding how I might be helpful to you.

In order to schedule your free phone assessment, please fill in your contact information below and I will call you when you are available to talk. If you are then interested in a full, hour long coaching session, you can schedule it online and pre-pay for your session.

I look forward to being your teacher and guide on your journey to achieve self-compassion!

Strategies to Achieve Self-Compassion


BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

  • Talk to yourself inside your head or out loud in a calm, caring and helpful manner, just like you are your own best friend.
  • If you do not feel good about yourself, focus particularly on what you need to hear to feel better and counter negative messages you give to yourself and/or receive from others.
  • Recognize that only you know what you want to hear at any given moment.
  • Talk with yourself in an understanding and caring manner about aspects of yourself or your life that you are not comfortable sharing with others.
  • Take yourself out on dates to do the things you most enjoy in the company of someone you love (hopefully).  Without any social responsibilities, you are free to focus on simply basking in the pleasures, meaning, etc. each moment brings.
  • Know that you have the ability to respond more effectively to difficult situations by changing how you talk to yourself.

DEVELOP BELIEFS THAT WORK FOR YOU

  • Identify your core beliefs about yourself, others or the world at large and assess how well each one is working for you.
  • If a given belief is not working, visualize that there is a string between yourself and your belief and cut it.
  • Replace dysfunctional beliefs with beliefs that you think will work better for you and "try them on" to see if they help you live a more effective, happier and peaceful life.
  • Recognize that you always have the ability to change your beliefs even if all you can do is change your perspective on a situation you are unable to change.
  • Know that it is easier to replace a belief that is not working than it is to hold onto it out of habit or fear of change.

KNOW THAT YOU ARE INHERENTLY WORTHY

  • Recognize that any bad treatment you received from your parents or caretakers during your early years resulted from their own unhappiness, stress, etc. and was not a reflection of your worth in any way.
  • Accept the love and support you receive from others as a gift to you and them.
  • "Try on" the believe that you are inherently worthy regardless of how others have treated you, your inability to live up to the expectations you or others have for yourself or the mistakes you have made.
  • Understand that it is not selfish or narcissistic to feel worthwhile and that people who feel good about themselves are less self-obsorbed and therefore are better at meeting the needs of others.
  • Know you do not need to give yourself low self-worth to overcome your faults or become your best self.
  • Forgive yourself for past mistakes so you can focus your energy on being the best person you can rather than beating yourself up.
  • Eliminate your need to ever judge others or put them down since this undermines rather than enhances your self-worth, along with being unfair to them.
  • Never compare yourself negatively to others.

DO NOT PROJECT YOUR NEEDS ONTO OTHERS

  • Do not project your needs onto others because you are likely to be left feeling hurt, angry, etc. when these people do not provide you with what you are looking for.
  • Recognize that you know best what you need and are much better able to provide it rather than others who have their own needs to look after.
  • Develop realistic expectations in your intimate relationships and know that it is not your partner's responsibility to "make" you happy.
  • Reinvest the energy you spend trying to get others to meet your needs into your own self-care.

GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF HAPPINESS AND PEACE OF MIND

  • Recognize that we "give" ourselves unhappiness because we mistakingly believe that we need it to make changes in our lives.
  • Choose as much happiness and peace of mind as you can in any given moment.
  • Know that you do not need to be unhappy to demonstrate that you are a caring person.
  • Do not use your unhappiness to control others.  Instead, maintain your happiness even as you assert your needs or make requests of others.
  • Believe that happiness is your inherent right rather than something you have to earn.
  • When you are experiencing intense emotions following a traumatic event, accept all of your feelings rather than judging them and focus on being highly self-compassionate.
  • Let go of all of your expectations for life so you can enjoy it as it is rather than comparing it some preconceived ideal, which leads to disappointment.
  • Understand that stress drains your energy and serves no purpose outside of highly dangerous situations.
  • Recognize that it is generally a waste of time to tell others how stressed out you are because they have their own challenges to overcome.

TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOURSELF

  • Follow your own bliss by prioritizing your needs and managing your time so these needs can be met.
  • Learn how to relish solitude where you are free to focus on meeting your own needs rather than the needs of others.
  • Plan and live out perfect days.
  • Know that it is not selfish to take great care of yourself as long as you are not unfair to other people in the process
  • Listen to and respond to your "inner voice" which tells you what you need to do at any given moment to meet your needs.
  • Eliminate self-destructive behaviors.
  • Recognize that you do not need to experience guilt or shame to live a moral life or be the best person you can be.
  • Understand that you never deserve mistreatment and protect yourself by asking questions which force others to assess their unfair behavior, setting viable limits and severing toxic relationships.

TUNE INTO YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF

  • Reduce or eliminate your attachment to your unwanted thoughts by recognizing that they are always changing and do not define your identity.
  • Develop the ability to "tune into" your authentic self which is a permanent and deeper part of yourself that transcends your thoughts and feelings.
  • Access your authentic self by looking at pictures of yourself from your childhood and connecting with the part of you that never changes.
  • Become aware of when you are focused on your thoughts and when you are in the realm of your authentic self and develop the ability to select which aspect of your psyche you are in at any given moment.
  • Recognize that you can remain in your authentic self most or all of the time and still lead an effective life in the outside world.
  • When you are unable to solve a challenging problem through rational thought, let it go and trust that a solution will come to you when you least expect it.

ELIMINATE NEGATIVE REACTIONS

  • Train yourself to respond to challenging situations effectively by detaching, "going to the balcony" and calmly deciding the best course of action.
  • Recognize the visceral, physiological sensations you experience just before you have a negative reaction and make a strong commitment not to respond to them.
  • Visualize a steel garage door slamming down and severing the connection between the challenging situation at hand and your emotional reaction to it.
  • Recognize that no one can "make" you mad except yourself.
  • Know that your choice to be calm and focused rather than emotionally reactive does not mean that you are powerless or have no options.

APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE

  • Recognize that we impair our happiness when we always look for something else to happen in our lives to achieve it.
  • Value and savor all you have in your life and live with a sense of abundance rather than scarcity.
  • Enjoy the little things in life that provide you with pleasure, comfort, satisfaction, etc.
  • Prove to yourself how much control you have over your happiness by thinking about everything lacking in your life, switching your focus to everything for which you are grateful, and then noticing how this exercise changes your mood.
  • Appreciate the positive aspects of your life by listing them as you breathe out.

ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT

  • Recognize that your problems exist mainly within your mind and transcend them by focusing on the present moment.
  • Switch your attention from your thoughts to what you are experiencing through your senses.
  • "Lose" yourself in an activity that so fully captures your attention that you leave the realm of thought.
  • Relish all the moments of your life rather than simply viewing them as opportunities to get things done.
  • Develop a regular meditation practice that enables you to experience a deep sense of inner peace and fulfillment
  • Surrender to what is rather than resisting it and know that this does not prevent you from taking action to create the changes you want in yourself or the world.
  • Take the risk of letting go of your hyper-vigilance to prove that you do not need it to protect yourself or your loved ones from harm.
  • Whenever you are caught up in worrying, ask yourself if there is something you can do about what you are worrying about.  If there is, do it.  If there is nothing you can do, let your worry go.

PASS YOUR COMPASSION ON TO OTHERS

  • Share the happiness, peace of mind and abundance you have gained from self-compassion with others to help them be their best selves.
  • Use your increased positive energy to fight for causes you believe in and, therefore, help create a better world.